This weekend we continued our Reset series, and I had the awesome privilege of speaking on “How to Have a Fresh Start in Our Families”. Our theme verse for the Reset series has been Psalm 51:12-13, “Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. 13 Then I will teach your ways to rebels, and they will return to you.”
We are also two weeks in to our 21 Days of our Awakening prayer and fasting. Matt posed the challenged today that if you haven’t joined us in the fast or if you did but quit, to jump on board with us this last week and see what God will do in your life!
Our goal in life should be to live like Jesus, and that carries on to our families, into our marriages, and into our parenting.
John 1: 14 “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”
If we are going to live like Jesus we have to be full of grace and truth. If we are going to parent like Jesus, we have to blend grace and truth. All throughout the Bible you see Grace and Truth together.
What does Truth look like? Rules, Discipline, Parameters, Confrontation, Objectivity, Consequences, Word of God
What does Grace look like? Affection, Acceptance, Praise, Love, Forgiveness, Mercy, Pursuit
As you read each list you were probably thinking that is me or that is my husband! In our family, I am truth and Matt is Grace.
There are 4 types of personalities. Two of them lean more towards truth and two lean more towards grace.
- Choleric – confident, decisive, opinionated, makes a good leader.
- Sanguine – fun, personable, spontaneous. Makes a good salesperson or public relations representative.
- Melancholy – organized, methodical, systematic. Makes a good administrator.
- Phlegmatic – stable, consistent, loyal. Makes a good friend or trusted employee. They just want peace.
2 personalities tend to lean more TRUTH – Choleric and Melancholy
2 personalities tend to lean more GRACE – Sanguine and phlegmatic
But if we are going to be like Jesus we have to have a balance of Truth and Grace. We can’t just say “well, that is just the way I am”. If you are believer, you have the Holy Spirit who is leading and guiding you and changing you. He gives us the balance of Grace and Truth.
In our parenting we have to have a balance of truth and grace.
Extreme Truth Is: Extreme Grace Is:
Perfectionistic Lacking supervision
Authoritarian Little or no discipline
Critical/ little or no praise Permissive
Legalistic Without standards
Extreme truth Produces: Extreme Grace Produces:
A wrong concept of God A wrong concept of God
“He is distant” “He is a pushover”
“He is uncaring” “He conforms to me”
“He is Harsh” “He is weak”
Low self-esteem Disrespect of Authority
Unhealthy drive to achieve Confusion
Rejection (I don’t measure up) Rejection
Here is a great parenting formula and how to balance truth and grace.
Rules + Relationship = Righteousness (godly life)
Rules – Relationship = rebellion
Relationship – rules = destruction You just want to be their best friend.
Our kids need rules and truth, but they also need love and encouragement and our time. Our kids will be told no at times but replace it with a yes of something.
Like I said, I am all about some truth and Matt is all about some grace. But as we parent together we talk about decisions, we balance each other out.
Here is a great visual:
Rules + relationship is like a playground with a fence around it. A pretty white picket fence. You know where the boundaries are. There is consistency of where you can go and what you can do. It is fun. There are shade trees to sit under and park benches so you can sit and talk and swings……..Everybody want to be at this playground.
Rules – relationship it’s a playground with a fence but the fence has bob – wire and no playground, no grass, no benches to sit and talk you know the boundaries, but you hate being in there. Feel more like prison Nobody want to go there.
Relationship – Rules it’s a beautiful playground with no fence around it. It’s got a swing set and beautiful grass and shade trees, but the kids don’t know the boundaries and mom keeps yelling at the kids DO NOT go in the street, but she never does anything if you do. She counts, boy does she count – 1, 1½, 2, Kids don’t feel secure anybody could come snatch them up. You can go wherever you want but it is very dangerous because there are no rules of what you can and cannot do. If you are a truth person this playground drives you crazy. 😉
Kids of all ages need truth and grace, rules and relationship. When they are younger truth and rules will play a bigger role. They still need grace but rules play a bigger role and as they get older relationship plays a bigger role, they still need rules, but probably more relationship.
But what happens is as they start reaching their teenage years and they are changing and growing up, we as parents can get offended, and carry an offense towards our children. Maybe they yelled “I hate you” or cused you out, or starting choosing to do things that is not how you raised them. Start drinking, do drugs, cutting, not eating, choosing destructive lifestyle, maybe they get pregnant. If we are not careful we can start to pull away emotionally and relationally. This is a time we have to get in there and work on the relationship and not pull away. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT for your kids.
DAD’S – let me say this and I in no way mean for it to come across condemning, but want to say you matter in the life of your kids. How your kids view you is how they view God.
Ex. If Dad is distant and not there their view of God is He is distant …..
If Dad is harsh and condemning their view of God is He is harsh…….
If Dad is truth and love, rules and relationship their view of God is …….
Moms and Dad’s we have to go before the Lord and say what is missing in my home. Where am I out of balance, truth or grace and and whatever is missing start to put in your home.
You may say I wasn’t raised in a home where there was truth and grace how do I live this way. Get in the word of God and read and read the life of Jesus see how He spoke the truth in love. His words were seasoned with I don’t condemn you, I forgive you, I love you, now go and sin no more. The woman at the well he told her everything she had done yet in love and it brought about repentance not rebellion. Join a connect group we have some parenting ones or just get in the word of God.
Some great books 1) 7 Secrets to Successful Families by Jimmy Evans 2) Teach them diligently How to Use the Scriptures in Child Training 3) Wise Words for Moms.
2 Timothy 3:16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,
Jesus is full of grace and truth. As a result, we are drawn to Him and His influences in our lives is redemptive and powerful. The family full of grace and truth will also be a place where family members are drawn. The function of a balanced family will be redemptive and powerful. It will be a place of lasting joy and loving progress.
Let not mercy and truth forsake you; Bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart, and so find favor and high esteem in the sight of God and man.